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It is a vicious cycle for sure. And now, here I am struggling to get a hard-on to even masturbate. I'll admit it. My ego is tied up in my cock. I feel like less of a man when I'm not having sex. Maybe that's just me. Am I a selfish asshole for getting upset because my wife won't have sex with me? Maybe I am. All I know for sure is I'm lonely in my marriage ... incredibly lonely.I am pretty desperate at this point - needing some kind of sexual release. I don't think I could ever cheat on my wife. Having never cheated or been cheated on, it just doesn't feel like an option. Looking for some way to feel better, I join Lush. It becomes my escape from reality and I begin reading and even writing stories about sex.I successfully publish a few stories about some of my fantasies. To be honest, it feels good. When readers comment on my fantasies, they help rebuild my self-esteem. If a reader comments, "Sexy read," I feel sexy inside. One day, I stumble upon a female author whose writings. “Are they letting me go soon?” she asks as he remains close to her. “I’m tired of just lying around here.”“I spoke to the nurse on my way in,” he answers with a smile. “It’ll be about another fifteen minutes before the paperwork is done.”Samantha smiles up at him. “Fifteen minutes is more than enough time.”“I know where you’re going, but we really don’t have time,” Spencer says, quelling the sudden stirring in his pants.Sam frowns, but it is only brief. She quickly changes the subject. “You know, this is the second time we’ve come close to losing each other.”“It seems we’re making a habit of it,” he agrees, his tone playful.“I’m serious, Spence,” Sam says with an edge to her voice. “We’ve had close, but never like this. This ramping up they’re doing is going to lead us down a road we won’t be able to turn back from.”“You’re sounding a little prophetic there, Sam,” he says.Sam laughs. “Yeah it does sound that way, doesn’t it,” she admits. “But I don’t know. It just feels that.
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